“In every life I’ll get to live, I’ll love you all the same”, Chapecoense captain Cleber Santana posted to his wife a few minutes before his plane took off.
It was not just a very beautiful declaration of love; in the wake of the crash, it was also the most significant message he could have left her with. Whether those words were a spooky coincidence or a premonition in disguise we will never know, but for sure, admist the shattering pain of her loss, it is right in those words that his wife will always find strength and a reason to carry on.
For the hardest goodbyes are the ones left unspoken. There is a reason why one of the first things we learn as a little child is to say hello and goodbye. Other than being one of the basic functions of communication, these greetings help us connect with other people. When we say “hello” to another person, it opens the door for communication. Saying “goodbye” signals that the conversation is over for the time being. Greetings are an important part in the process of interacting with others to form and maintain friendships.
Whenever we enter someone’s life we open something. A story starts being written, and it begins with one ‘hello’. When someone leaves our life, it is a painful experience. But when they leave without words, that’s even a larger pain to carry around.
It is not just because we are being left in limbo and waiting, it is also because, somehow, it feels as if we are being denied the dignity of closure or, of a simple goodbye. After all, if we ever said hello, isn’t it logic, and kind to also acknowledge people when we leave them instead of letting them think whatever, and that our hello wasn’t real?
True, there may no good way to say goodbye, but exiting the stage without words, just because for us it is over, is the worst one can do. Whether it is difficult words (“I’m leaving you. Goodbye.”), or precious ones we withhold (“I love you. I miss you.”), words are powerful and words that aren’t spoken always leave an awful emptiness in their wake.